This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
