You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
