only if we run a train.
done.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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