I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
