There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
