Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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