I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
