Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
