i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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