he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
