I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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