Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
