"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
