u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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