when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
