I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
