yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
