Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
