just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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