It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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