he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
