boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
