I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
