Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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