Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That reminds me...we need to get swords
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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