and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
