i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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