So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
