I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
