You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
