Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
