Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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