Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
barbara walters just said penis...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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