Having a random hookup so left but love u
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
