im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
