looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
