operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
