do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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