So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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