he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
