Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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