So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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