It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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