wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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