if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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