if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
