Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They are going to name an STD after you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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