I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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