I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
