Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
