Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
